SOLDIER at heart
by FreezingValentine
Summary: Zack and Angeal's reunion turned out to be more heartbreaking than what Zack ever would have thought. ONESHOT!


**SOLDIER at heart**

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own anything from Final Fantasy Crisis Core or the like.  
Warnings: Character death  
Summary: Zack and Angeal's reunion turned out to be more heartbreaking than what Zack ever would have thought.  
Zack, Angeal, Sephiroth centric, mentions of Aerith and Cloud.  
Can be read as a PREQUEL to "Past mistakes and new beginnings"

* * *

Sunlight found its way into the small chamber. It cast shadows in the mostly ruined room and set the dust that flowed in the air ablaze. The ringing of blades and the sounds of battle still seemed to echo through the air, though it had long since ended.

Zack was kneeling down beside the broken form of his mentor, mind shattered like the bond between them. Thoughts jumbled through his muddled mind as he reached out, but hesitated. Angeal had already drawn his last breath; no longer did that muscular chest rise with breath. No more did his voice rumble through him in that reassuring way. He was gone.

Zack felt his hand shake and stared at it distantly, his mind too far gone to connect the pieces of the blood, the trembling and the ache in it. It fell limply to his side and he once more saw the calm expression of the man before him.

'_Why did it have to end like this?'_ The thought surfaced from the mess and brought an end to the race in his mind. _'Why?'_That one word brought a whole new turn to his thoughts_. _In his mind he went through the previous events once more. Angeal's last words…

"_Zack, you have my thanks" _

'_Why would you thank me?' _He wanted to ask.

"_This is for you"_

The sword that represented Angeal's honor and dreams, offered to him. The gesture shook the brittle hold on his emotions that he had.

'_No, you need that. That sword is yours… You'll need it when you've healed right?' _A desperate plea unvoiced.

"_Protect your honor, always…"_

'_Please don't say it like it's the last time!' _Even more words stuck in his throat. All that escaped were pained sobs.

Then the shallow breaths that had made the otherwise silent place bearable, ended. Zack's body trembled and it felt like he was about to break; he was at the edge with nothing to grab onto to stop him from falling into the abyss of despair.

Then something caught his attention as it fluttered by his vision and landed by his hand. He plucked it up and looked at it. _'White'_ his mind supplied. _'So soft…'_ he thought as he held the white feather carefully cradled in his hand. The gentle feather reminded him of something; no, someone.

Before him, he saw the soft smile of a spike haired youth, his yellow hair always on end and resembling that of a chocobo.

Zack had been teetering on the edge, but he now felt how the pressure on his back lifted and he was able to slowly back away from the abyss. Somehow, the memory of that boy who waited for him brought him back, pulling gently at him, telling him he couldn't fall yet.

When his eyes once more focused he noticed that he had closed his hand around the feather and the other hand rested on Angeal's blade. He moved slowly, almost stumbling as he finally stood on his feet. He looked down on his mentor who still lay on the ground before him. Another memory took hold of him and he moved the sword in his hand until he held it before him, his forehead resting against the solid blade.

He repeated the words that he had heard so many times before and he felt something akin to peace as he performed the ritual.

"Embrace your dreams. If you want to be a hero, you need to have dreams… and honor." Zack let out a sigh after the words had left him and let his posture relax.

'_I've got to stand on my own feet now. There are still things that I need to do.'_ Zack thought and then let out a whisper that went unheard to everyone but himself.

"I just wished you hadn't thanked me…" _'And that you would have allowed me to break' _his mind ended the sentence when his voice failed to do so. He raised his face to the skies and felt his control fall in place again. He didn't have time to break down now, and if he did, there was already no one there to pick up the pieces.

Almost as if mourning the death of the 1st class, the sky split open and poured down shining drops of water; creating wet trails in place of the young man's unshed tears.

* * *

He walked down the hall, having just left Lazard's office. The briefing had been short but had brought up the things that were the most painful. Sephiroth had been there during the meeting and when Zack had told them about Angeal's death, he had seen a flicker of anguish on the general's face.

That was to be expected though; Angeal had been one of the man's few friends. Zack had realized something when he saw Sephiroth's expression; he didn't hate the man. His thoughts stopped there as he absentmindedly greeted a passing secretary with a faked grin.

He let go of the thoughts that had plagued his mind since the briefing and wandered off, his body knowing the destination before his mind recognized it. He was going to the place where he knew he could find what he needed at that time; Aerith.

He needed someone who could simply let him break without asking why, someone who would simply be there. Before he would have sought that comfort from his mentor, but that was impossible now…

His heart ached painfully and he felt how his carefree façade was cracking. He wouldn't be able to hold on at this rate. He quickened his steps and were soon out of the building and gone in the dark of the slums, heading toward the light of the atmosphere in the crumbling church hidden there.

* * *

After he had met Aerith, he had finally let his strangled emotions loose. He had cried shamelessly, not caring how he may appear in her eyes; he needn't worry about it.

When he had gotten back to his apartment he had cried again and continued until he fell asleep; it was the first time he had done that since he was a child. But he had woken up early, unable to sleep longer. For 2 days he simply did the necessary stuff, eating and sleeping mostly and otherwise occupying the couch while staring into nothing.

But there was only so much time that the energetic spirit of the young SOLDIER could stay still before moving onward. The 3rd day he rose from the couch as well as from the dark slump he had been in. He didn't have time to wallow in despair while others were depending on him.

Zack got up and took a well needed shower before he put on some fresh clothes and stretched. After getting back to himself, he finally noticed how empty his apartment seemed. The lonely feeling in his quarters soon drove him out of there and he headed out to eat something before he went to Sephiroth's office.

The food he had eaten had barely tasted anything to him and it felt like a heavy lump of lead in his gut as he stood outside the general's office. He had hesitated there, unsure of how to act and what he was even doing there in the first place.

But eventually he opened the door and entered with a smile plastered to his face.

* * *

The general was sitting by his desk like usual and he furrowed his brow when he saw Zack enter. What was he doing here? Had he come to accuse him for sending him there? Sephiroth steeled himself for the inevitable but when it didn't come, he quirked a brow in question at the younger man.

"Why have you come here Zackary? I was under the strong impression that you were to rest for a a week before you returned to service." Sephiroth said and his mind unhelpfully added 'time of to mourn that you had to kill your own mentor by your superior's orders'.

"True but I'm bored already. Thought I should check in and see how work was going." Sephiroth couldn't see if the man's reply was the true reason or not but he went with it. He's rather discuss work than the loss of Angeal and the impending loss of his lieutenant's friendship.

"If you are so eager to do something, I actually have some work. The ones who are aiming to join SOLDIER are to get a small promotional speech to encourage them. Since you are both acknowledged in ShinRa and good at speaking this should be no problem for you." He didn't say what his mind had told him, the thing about Zack being able to speak until someone's ears bled if he was in the mood. He stayed silent and then gave Zack a scrutinizing gaze.

"Are you up for it, Zackary?" He asked and Zack gave him a slightly more natural grin than the one he had worn when he entered.

"Always!" Zack answered cockily and felt that the smile that grazed his features was actually sincere, at least partially. He rose and headed out the door while Sephiroth called Lazard and told him about the change in plans. Before Zack exited the room he gave a short two-fingered salute and a lopsided grin.

Sephiroth looked at the door where the young SOLDIER had just exited through. He was surprised about the way the boy had handled himself. Sephiroth had seen the evidence of Zack's sorrow on his face but he had also seen that the boy was starting to get back on track.

That boy would become the new heart of SOLDIER; he was already started on the track of filling the place that Angeal had left behind. If only he could fill the void by Sephiroth's side…

The general pushed those thoughts away; it was only a small dream. But maybe it was like Lazard used to say? 'Unattainable dreams are the best.'  
He sighed and went back to work. Time would heal the wounds if he only stopped prodding them.

And so the general spent several hours in his office, denying the sorrow that wanted to engulf him.

* * *

A/N: Well, as you can see, this can be read as a prequel to Past mistakes and new beginnings. The idea simply struck me one evening after I'd been sitting by the TV playing The Elder scrolls IV Oblivion, and trying to install WoW on my dad's laptop from morning till night. It was written in a state of lack of sleep and with eyes that hurt a lot due to my repaired glasses and too much screen time. It may be seen, but I hope you enjoyed it either way.

I actually nearly started crying while writing this because I was so tired and I had to watch the scene of Angeal's death on YouTube to get a few references. Poor puppy, I always put you back in such horrible situations. *sigh*

Either way, inspiration struck but now it's gone again for the moment. I'll see if I can get somewhere with the sequel I planned for the other fic.

Please review, it makes me happy! ^o^


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